Một ngày thu âm u se se lạnh bỗng trở nên thật đặc biệt khi cuộc đời mình xuất hiện một gam màu mới, một quyển sách mới, một bài hát mới, hay như hôm nay, một người bạn mới.

Hàng ngày có đến vài chục người đi lướt qua tôi, nhưng để dừng lại, mắt chạm mắt, nở một nụ cười, trò chuyện thật nhiều trên suốt quãng đường vai kề vai còn lại thật tình quá ít. Cho nên, dù chẳng có gì nhiều ngoài sự chân thành mà cho đi ngày càng lúng túng, chìa tay ra, bắt thật chặt, rất vui vì chúng mình làm quen.

生之欲——"Ikiru" —— Akira Kurosawa. Tối nay sẽ  xem cho bằng hết.

 

Chiều buồn nhẹ hẫng cả người. Mí mắt nặng trĩu. Tiếng đàn hòa tan bầu không khí đằm đặm hơi mưa. Gió bấc. Vị sữa chua ngấy lạnh. Thu đã về?

Ngẫm đến những gì đã bỏ lại phía sau, những người trên chiếc xe xa dần ngóng nhìn lại bóng mình như con mèo nhỏ rớt dần vào bóng tối. Rời xa. Khi mọi âm thanh ồn ào đột nhiên chấm dứt, suy nghĩ của tôi trở thành thứ duy nhất mình cảm nhận được; chỉ thế thôi cũng đã quá nhiều.

 

"So little time
Try to understand that I'm trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name but everybody's changing and
I don't feel the same."
--KEANE--

                                                 

                                                Along with Julien et Barbara, a poem makes tears run through my eyes...

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were---I have not seen
As others saw---I could not bring
My passions from a common spring---
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow---I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone---
And all I lov'd---I lov'd alone.
Then---in my childhood---in the dawn---
Of a most stormy life---was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still---
From the torrent, or the fountain---
From the red cliff of the mountain---
From the sun that round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold---
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by---
From the thunder, and the storm---
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view.

 

 

 

昨天在医院里呆了6个小时。眼前的病患者，小孩儿的哭声，电视上一直重复的无聊广告，药物和死亡的气味。。。验血房里的我站在中间，觉得极度烦躁，头晕，心里强烈着逃出去的念头。这时我看到了他们。一对老人。通常在医院里看到的老人大部分是孤独的，尽管是子女陪着来，还是觉得他/她很沉默，很无助，活在他们的世界里——被我们世界隔绝的世界。人越老长得越相似。他们在我们眼中不是一个存在着的个体，而成了一种象征——衰老和虚弱，死亡和我们的尽头。但我当时看到的那对老人就不一样。老婆婆痛疼地全身都靠在老公公的怀里。和她虚弱的样子相对，他坐得很稳，腰很值，一只手放在她头下扶着，另一只手不停地揉阿揉她的背。老婆婆一直说疼，老公公一直揉。这个场景持续差不多2个小时。手中朋友的尿水瓶，穿过窗户的冷空气，没完没了的等待...，对我，Nothing really mattered anymore。

偶尔也会像昨天那样看到一些给人希望的事情。不是电视电影里由绝望人制造的圆满结局的希望，而是真人真事真正的希望。自己也少了一份冷淡，几份麻木。祝愿他们能平安。

 

It's been pretty messed up.

Things happened, mostly bad.

It's been a bad month, or time is no longer on my side?

So tired of this numbness, naivety!

Just let go, dear Me!

 

After 2 weeks of recovering from the surgery, I'm back, heheh.

Still having SO MUCH fun with my (may be) last summer as a student (non-job, non-responsibility...)

Heading to Hanoi next Sunday. People from the capital, prepare for ANYTHING (I mean it, heheh)

 
"Of human bondage, or the strength of the emotions" (Spinoza's Ehics)

Once in a while I wake up after a "siesta" and feel like a drug-addict. My hands shake and my face seems pale... Water's still "cool" but I'm not so crazy about bathin everyday like I used to be. I walk down the stairs thinkin there must be somethin wrong with the glasses, cos I swear my legs look so short they can't even reach the stairs. When I get to the lobby to buy a new washin-machine card (addict or not, I still wear clean clothes) people talk with characters flyin outta their mouths (well that's kinda exaggerated, I'm not Don Konkey) and those spell   "d  r   u       g           a  dd        i     c                   t   "

See thing is I'm not into drugs (would love to try sometime consider I'm in college and stuff), I just dig TV and movies and novels and that's all. So I guess everyone must be addicted to somethin while we're in college. What really makes us addicts different is our symptoms and our symptoms only. We're stoned (or high or whatsoever..!) in ways that have nothin to do with personality or morality or nationality (!) or even our values, if you must say. So long as you don't get people (includin yourself) hurt and kill you'll still go to Heaven (be proud) for addicts and may God himself give you a hug somtime, then you'll be free without lectures or rehabs or Hymns or curses, or watsoevar..!
So don't be too judgemental just because you shame of to what you're addicted inside. Be cool, cos we all know life isn't worth livin without love and Love my baby, is a metaphor of Addicted and addicted only.

 

Holy crap. Holy crap!... Supernatural hit us with the most shocking finale we’ve seen since the beloved Metallicar was t-boned by a semi. How could they do this to us?

 

 

Well, that was the REVIEW from CWsource. Here's what I think, in brief: The little girl with evil-power stuff is over-used(go and see HIDE & SEEK, THE RING, THE 4400, even SUPERNATURAL itself had done it before). I thought Sam would be able to use his power when the hell-hounds came to get Dean, not when Dean's already dead and White-Eyes-Demon came to kill HIM. Yes, heart-breaking the episode was, but kinda disappointing too. However, I think Dean definitely WILL be back next season, with some kind of superpower, and EVIL in him. That would be fun. Can't wait!

  After a while, MONEY, again, came and cut me some slack (yayyy..!). Thanks to the Ministry of education of Vietnam, I own you all, BIG TIME! Though the problems I've been having weren't about cash at all, but well...money, what can I say, is impossible to be sick of!

  On the bus today I saw an old woman with a cart full of food (she might had just come from some malls). When she sat down she accidentally lost feel of balance and nearly fell to a lady sitting on the opposite. Sayin' somethin', "the lady" bent down so I thought she was to help; then I realized she was startin' to yell cos the old woman's cart had fell too and touched her silk stockings... I was playing Within Temptation really loud but still, couldn't escape all the yellings. It was burning-hot today but at that moment I felt a gust of wind that was somehow chilly and hot. Lookin' at the old woman sittin' there quietly, I felt exhausted. "PALE" of W.T was rising and I found myself  watching a sad movie in a cinema where the air-conditioner wasn't workin' at all. That was sucked!

  My new pal, I just discovered she was a vet today. When we were havin' dinner, she told me how to kill bulls, bunnies, dogs... etc in the fastest ways. I find it oddly interesting, cos being a vet, she also knows ways to be a slaughter, so she can do her job. Then I wonder if a slaughter knows how to be a vet (guessin' no, cos it would be like a killer saving people or somethin', I mean, maybe he could, but he would not). 

 

 

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people
before meeting the right one
so that when we finally meet the right person
we will know how to be grateful for that gift

When the door of happiness closes, another opens
but often times we look so long at the closed door
that we dont see the one which has been opened for us

The best kind of friend is
the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with
never say a word and then walk away feeling like
it was the best conversation youve ever had

Its true that we dont know what weve got until we lose it
but its also true
that we dont know what weve been missing until it arrives

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance
that theyll love you back! Dont expect love in return
just wait for it to grow in their heart
but if it doesnt, be content it grew in yours
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone
an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone

Dont go for looks
they can deceive. Dont go for wealth
even that fades away
Go for someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much
that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream
go where you want to go; be what you want to be,
because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human
enough hope to make you happy

Always put yourself in others shoes
If you feel that it hurts you
it probably hurts the other person, too

The happiest of people dont necessarily have the best of everything
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way

Happiness lives for those who cry
those who hurt, those who have searched
and those who have tried
for only they can appreciate the importance of peoplewho have touched their lives

Love begins with a smile
grows with a kiss and ends with a tear
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past
you cant go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches

When you were born
you were crying and everyone around you was smiling
Live your life so that when you die
youre the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying

(from Vinh's blog)

 

有时候很厌烦这里的生活，这里的吵闹，做作，这里的所有事和人。

要是你们还在的话。。。

当然我还会时常感到厌烦，但至少

你们会同我一起厌烦 [或装作厌烦，便做我的同盟，同党（？）]

要是你们还在的话。。。

当然我们不会每天都见面，但至少

当我需要的时候，打个电话，发个短讯，不管是打个喷嚏还是出了事故，你们都会及时赶到

要是你们还在的话。。。

当然我还是那样发觉不到你们的重要性，会对你们发脾气，生气时还会删掉你们的手机号码，你们的照片，你们的邮件地址，但至少

第二天我们还有机会见面（我会重新爱你们一次的）

要是你们还在的话。。。

我还是会保持拒人于千里之外这个坏习惯，但至少

你们会使我不时也感到寂寞；而我也不用努力去认识一些陌生人；努力去弥补你们走后的空缺（那是不可能）
要是你们还在的话。。。

 

前天见到了一个人。我们刚认识就很开心地一起吃烤肉，还吃冰淇淋。但她不住这里。

这使我想起今晚突然打给我的一位深圳朋友。是去看LINKIN PARK演唱会的时候认识的。他在看台的对面，拿着望远镜，用手机和我聊天。那天很冷。我们过了0点才各自回去。

 

像你们那样被我喜欢的人都离我很远。

 

今天实在太厌烦了。

过了这个夏天，我就不用那么厌烦了。

 

.. ...

 

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